shit. stupid flu. i can't seem to study today. feel so sick...sianz!!!! went to sch damn blardy early...like 8am. meet hoho wif mh...den damo supposed to come give us gp lesson. but they got some ceremony going on...den very late den will come out. so me n mh decided to go home....i mean, she go bun's hse. haha....den i was preparing to slp right after i reach home la. but i forgot my keys and no one's at home. idiotic. so i came over to geri's hse..happily nap at her plc..and rot till now.


seems like there r many who slack more than they study..but there r also alot who mug very hard. stressed. im reallie thinking of how i should study my econs man. and shit.i jus make geri's fren angry. LOL. but heck..i also dunno him....will never ever see or tok to him again! bleah. waiting for my SHOWS!! im gonna rest today. hahahha

ah! im online after...a few days..


actually...studying can be quite cool...and luckily, my exam timetable is kinda..slack. hahaha. but no matter how slack...i still can't get 3 As. LOL. impossible. if i had started earlier...but nvm. jus work hard man. jus got back from deb's hse...she ask me study wif her so she can study..or else she'll slack. haha...and i cannot slack in front of her..or else she'll slack wif me. *stressed* but..i still fell asleep...her bed too comfortable la...she should change her bed lo. and stupid idiotic geraldinetanmeizhen (oh no now everyone noes u r e daughter of e boss of meizhenxiang rou gan!!!) is at sentosa enjoying some chalet now...and when deb's exams end, my exams haven even start!!!! argh. sian 1/2. but nvm...soon it'll be over..and 7 mths of freedom!!! 25th. 25th. 25th.

hmm...i guess everyone has their own problems everytime...like...u jus haf it u see..its jus..not a life if u dun haf it. but sum ppl choose to ignore it and pretend e sky is still blue and e sun is still hot. ah dunno wad im toking abt. wadeva. but e thing is..how we all handle our own probs...its not a way to think tat its not a big prob and its not bothering u, if obviously, it is bothering u. trying to act strong arh u? yes im scolding u. haiz. think i still dunno u well enuff? u can't always run away from ur probs..its not u girl. and tis another one...dunno wad she is doing. i reallie dunno wad to do when i look at u 2 noe. feel like punching myself. ah.


nvm. now damn exciting...singapore idol results. so abit not mood to tok abt sad things. but jus now reallie stressed until wan to cry. again. im stressed noe. i am..i am..i am...!!! aaaaarrrggghhh.

haiyoh..some stupid woman by e name of eunicetanahgeow complained tat my blog very hard to read and blablabla...but tis stupid blogger dun allow me to make spacings. as in...ah..dunno. i'll try again later.


so so sian noe...cannot stay home..not productive..but go out, also not good..waste money..waste time. 1 and a plus plus more week for me to study...cool. phy prac tis coming monday...cool. i dunn wad im toking now...probably too bored...too sian..its causing my brain to not function properly...like it functioned well b4...haha. i reallie love my tv noe....a levels coming i can still spend..let me count...11am, 2.30pm, 5.30pm, 7pm, 9pm...wow..5 hours watching tv!!!!! gosh. im so dead...sosososososososo dead. someone help me!!

Graduation

i had my graduation yesterday....but din't reallie feel very sad until i read mana's blog...and e things he quoted from his fren's blog. they had so many memories wif their class...so fun. and i had almost nuthing wif t18. ok, other than us winning the floor ball competition, lost in the volleyball competition, got into top 10 in e 2.4 challenge...or maybe, our fun, laughter, peace n joy wif my clique...there's nuthing much left, reallie, to make us even feel abit more emotional abt our separation. its kinda sad arh...


i remember when i was graduating from my sec sch, it was reallie reallie sad. cos it means everyone will go their own ways, do their own things, and basically live their own life and haf nuthing to do wif e rest, although it is wad's happening now, i feel much indifferent abt it. i guess i've realised ppl come and go in our lives all e time, its normal to feel e joy of a friendship, and also e sadness of a separation. i think i will not forget these 19(around there, including those who left us) ppl in my class, not so fast still, but i may not get to tok to some of these ppl anymore. although how much i used to dislike toking to them. may was also saying, we used to tok abt how much and how much a teacher sucks, e system sucks, e sch sucks, but until graduation den we realised they r not tat bad afterall la. miss ho actually left me a reallie gd testimonial and i actually think she is quite nice to me afterall. wad a pity.


other than my class, of cos there r ppl whom i met along e way in my college life...hi-bye frens, frens' frens who eventually became my frens, frens whom i met tru some activities...i wonder if i'll ever get to tok to them again. but for one thing im sure, e odac ppl stays wif me for as long as i can think of. its jus hard to imagine us not toking to each other..as in..not in contact wif one another in future.


guess e only thing i enjoyed yesterday was e cheesecake i had after nyaa award presentation. oh and i get to shake e minister of state for education, mr chan's hands. haha...he is one funny guy though.


all things come to an end eventually...be it good or bad. am thankful for these days, these lessons, these stories...

wait wait wait wait....wait wait wait wait....

so irritating!!! dunno wad to do now sia...2 more weeks to As..wulala. okie, yuerui is not scared k. *ka pui*..see how she still get a big fat F for her econs at prelims. aiyoh....shit. nvm. at least she realised she need to study now. not too late...lolx.

can't seem to find anyone to accompany me to hougang mall to eat. so sian. and tat stupid construction so damn noisy!!! feel like going down and ask them dun drill so loud. haha like its their fault. jus doing their job ma..so i guess, bobian. she needs to go study alone today. cos stupid fatty may is in town and geri is at jurong and deb is pigging. aye i only got 3 frens arh? hahaha shit shit shit. wad am i gonna do now?

tis should end soon

when things start to go wrong, all other things follow. wad e hell.


ok lets tok abt some happy things tat happened ya. met up wif deb n geri yesterday...SUPPOSED to study. but e bk person chased us out...cos too many ppl studying. so we went geri's church there, hoping to study abit more. ok we did study abit more than wad we did at bk. lol. but considering i only did half of e ACJC maths paper..its like..crap. stoned awhile there, den we head to deb's hse...get yitiantulongji dvd...den go to geri's hse. watched e last few episodes (though i've watched it already), den watch "love actually", "wad a girl wants", "confessions of a teenage drama queen"....and its quite funny to noe tat we 3 fell asleep at e same time, midway tru e 3rd show. and e next time we opened our eyes, e show jus ended "samsung"...lol. den i squeeze wif deb at geri sis's bed. actually, surprisingly, its not tat squeezy. hahaha. den her mum called at 6am..ask me to tok to her. heng i didnt say anything wrong. we did 'study' until very late. lol.


ok so dat was fun...now e fun's over. time for work. 3 weeks left. and everyone is telling me to think of wad im gonna do if i dun get into a local uni. ha ha ha.

aye im quite sick of studying...maybe i should jus rot first...feel bad, den study. i heard tats wad weide does everytime. okie...a levels...econs sucks...GP..no luck. how....B D F E8 is horrible, terrible plus vegetable...LOl. learnt tis phrase in sch...cool eh? hor pinky? lol. oh...i saw jasmine jus now on e bus!!!! call her she never answer me cos she was on e phone..den keep walking to e back seats. den when wanted to alight, she was looking out of e window. diaoz. she only realised it when she saw my msg. hahaha...i almost couldnt recognise her! cos she wore contacts and straightened her hair liao...last time her specs bigger than mine and deborah tan wan la..lol. miss her man...me, she and cissa always zao chinese class go take down flags wan...damn slacker. can't remember if there were more slackers dat time..haha. hope there'd be a gathering soon..esp for e prefects/instructors....miss sjc....

God is good..all e time.

heex. went service tis morning...but to e old ppl's side one...were at dunman hall..den i was quite shocked seeing ppl still strolling in at 12plus even though service should start at 11.30. like.. abit e..too late arh. den during service, i saw tis lady drinking guava juice (packet kind)..during sermon. haha. lucky we were not at e main sanctuary. hmm today, e pastor was saying..how much time we spend on the computers, watching tv, earning money, and basically earning even more money...but haf no time to do QT, go for service, prayer service, fellowships?--tis one i add in myself one. haha. yar..den he jus say basically we r too selfish to leave any time for God. for me..its kinda true. i used to skip service cos i wanted to catch toulongjuanfeng on tv at 11am. n go out wif friends when i could haf attended fellowship. *sinfuL* alrights.

anyways, yesterday celebrated adrian's bday at glass house...den adrian go order 2 Jugs of drinks which cost 30bucks each!! aye..drinks lor..den we like say he got money also not like tat spend. haha. den we keep saying mus finish e drink..cos..expensive..n..mus insist tat e drink is damn nicE! damn funny..oh..den charles bought kinder surprise for adrian...lol. i tot it was some..nvm. lol. and adrian was so amused by e toy??~! my goodness..

den we went to play pool at selegie complex...so wulu..near little india..so ya..e day was quite interesting.

i should reallie study...and i hope i can jus forget everything dat has happened. or maybe..how i wish i could turn back time. den i'll noe wad i should haf done tat time. shucks. but we all noe we can't turn back time..so i guess, make sure u use every minute or second wisely.

Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay

Tree


The reason I'm called Tree is because I'm good at painting trees. Overtime, I start to use a tree on the right hand corner as a trademark for all my watercolors painting. I have dated 5 gals when I was in Pre-U. There's one gal who I love a lot but never dared to woo her. She doesn't have a pretty face, doesn't have a good figure, and doesn't have outstanding charm. She is just a very ordinary girl. I like her. I really like her. I like her innocence, like her frankness, like her cuteness, like her intelligence and like her fragility. The reason for not going after her is because I felt that someone so ordinary like her is not a good match for me. I'm also afraid that after we are together, all the good feelings will vanish. I'm also afraid that gossips will hurt her. I felt that if she's not my gal, she will be mine ultimately and I don't have to give up everything just for her. With the last reason in mind, I made her accompany me for 3 years. She watched me chase after other girls. And I have made her heart cry for 3 years.She wants to be a good actress and I'm a very demanding director. When I kissed my 2nd girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but smile and said, "Go on!" before running off. The next day, her eyes were swollen like a walnut. I didn't want to think about what had caused her to cry but laugh at her the whole day. When everybody went back home, she was alone crying in the classroom. She had not known that I had returned from soccer training to get something. I watch her cry for an hour or so.My 4th girlfriend didn't like her. There was once when both of them quarreled. I know that, based on her character, she's not the type that will start off the quarrel. But I still sided with my girlfriend. I shouted at her and her eyes were filled with shock. I didn't care about her feelings and walked off with my girlfriend. The next day, she still laugh; joke with me like nothing has ever happened. I know that she's very hurt but she didn't know that my heartache is just as bad as hers.When I broke up with my 5th girlfriend, I asked her out. During lunch, I told her that I had something to tell her. Coincidentally, she had something tell me too. I told her about my break-up and she told me about her getting together. I knew who the guy was. He had been going after her for quite a while. He's a very cute guy - full of energy, lively and interesting. His pursuit for her has been the talk of the school.I can't tell her of my heartache but could only smile and congratulate her. When I reach home, my heart ached so strong that I can't stand it. It's like a heavy weighted stone on my chest. I couldn't breath. I wanted to shout but can't. Tears rolled down and I broke down and cry. How many times have I also seen her cry for the man who doesn't acknowledge her presence?During graduation, I read a message in my handphone. It was send 10 days ago when I broke down and cry. I haven't read it since then. It says "Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay"



Leaf

During Pre-U days, I like to collect leaves. Why? Because I felt that for a leaf to leave the tree that it has been relying on for so long takes a lot of courage. During my 3 years in Pre-U, I was on very close terms with a guy. Not BGR kind but as buddy kind. But when he had his 1st girlfriend, I learnt a feeling I never should have learnt - Jealousy. The sourness in the heart can't be described by using a lemon. It's like 100 rotten sour lemons. It's sourness to the extreme limit. They were only together for 2 months. When they broke up, I hide my strong sense of happiness. But after a month, he got together with another gal. I like him and I know he like me too. But why won't he pursue me? Since he loves me, why doesn't he want to make the first move? Whenever he had a new girlfriend, my heart would ache. Time after time, my heart was hurt. I begin to suspect that this is a one sided affair. If he doesn't like me, why does he treat me so well? It's beyond what you will normally do for a friend. Liking a person is very heart wrenching. I can know his likes and his habits. But I can never figure out his feelings towards me. You can't expect me a gal to ask him right?Despite that, I still want to be by his side - to care for him, to accompany him, and to love him. I was really hoping that one fine day, he will love me back. It's like waiting for his phone call every night, wanting him to send me phone messages. I know that no matter how busy he is; he will make time for me. Because of this, I waited for him. The 3 years were the hardest period of time to go through and I really want to give up. Sometimes, I wonder if I should continue waiting. The pain, the hurt, and the dilemma accompanied me for 3 years.Towards the end of my 3rd year, a 2nd year junior begins to go after me. He pursued me relentlessly. From outright rejection to a point in time when I felt that I'm willing to let him have a small footing in my heart. He's like a warm and gentle wind, trying to blow a leaf away from the tree. In the end, I realized that I gave this wind a small footing in my heart. I knew that this wind would bring this badly battered leave far away and to a better land. Finally I left tree, but the tree only smile and didn't ask me to stay.In my last message to him, I typed "Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay"


Wind

I like a girl called Leaf. She's so dependent on the tree that I have to be a gust wind, a wind that will blow her away. When I first met her, it was 1 month after I transferred into the new school. I saw a petite person looking at my seniors and me playing soccer. During ECA time, she will always be sitting there, be it alone or with her friends looking at him. When he talks with other girls, there's jealousy in her eyes. When he looked at her, there's a smile in her eyes. Looking at her became my habit. Just like the way she likes to look at him.One day, she didn't appear. I felt something was amiss. I can't explain the feeling except it's a kind of uneasiness. The senior was not there as well. I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw my senior scolding her. Tears were in her eyes while he left. The next day, I saw her at her usual place, looking at him. I walked over and smiled to her. Wrote a note and gave it to her. She was surprised. She looked at me, smiled and accepted the note. The next day, she appeared, passed me a note and left."Leaf's heart is too heavy and Wind couldn't blow her away.""It's not that Leaf's heart is too heavy. It's because Leaf never want to leave Tree."I replied her note with this statement and slowly she started to talk to me, accept my presents and phone calls. I know that the person she loves is not I. But I have this perseverance that one day I will make her like me. Within 4 months, I have declared my love for her no less than 20 times. Every time, she will divert away from the topic. But I never gave up. If I decided that I want her to be mine, I will definitely win her over with whatever means I have.I can't remember how many times I have declared my love to her. Although I know she will try to divert but I still bear a small ray of hope, hoping that she will agree to be my girlfriend. Once, during a phone conversation, I didn't hear any reply from her over the phone. So I asked, "What are you doing? How come you didn't reply?" She said, "I'm nodding my head". "What!?" I couldn't believe my ears. "I'm nodding my head" She replied loudly. I hung up the phone and took a taxi and rush to her place and press her doorbell. After she opened the door. I hugged her tightly. I had won a place in her heart."Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay"


"Since u can't love who u love, then love those who u can chose to love and worthy of ur love."
--- mummy andrey

Uray Wong
13th July 1986